Satan Keeps His Shoes On

From my upcoming cocktail book:

THE INITIATION OF A NEOPHYTE INTO A SATANIC CULT TURNS INTO AN ORGY.

It leaps off the page like click bait. Or a 1960’s Satanic Panic headline. It’s actually the log line to an adult film released in 1928.

I know what you’re thinking and, yes, I had to watch porn for research. Evil porn. Silent, grainy, black and white, hilarious porn.

Messe Noire is a classic of the “brothel market” genre. These films would tour from whorehouse to whorehouse, being projected on walls or drapes for paying patrons. Can you imagine having to leave your house to watch porn? And pay for it!

In this particular morsel of perfection, a “culte Satanique” enters a temple for a Black Mass, or Messe Noire to make it sound sexier. The group of women wear masks, stockings, capes and nothing else, though their 1920’s bushes seem to be wearing them. After Lucifer mechanically plants a kiss on Astarte’s verdant pubic bloom, the whole thing devolves into an orgy, just like the log line promised.
There’s candles and a chalice filled with blood. There’s flagellation and mechanical fellatio. There’s cunnilingus that is even more mechanical. Lucifer’s back is pretty hairy. Is he a werewolf? Oh yeah, and a Satanic money shot. Woah.

It’s pretty ribald for 1928.

You can even watch it for yourself, if you so desire. A quick search for “messe noire 1928” will render the proper results.

The second best part is the closing intertitle. It features a “FIN” with hand-drawn pornographic figures that look like they were scribbled on a textbook cover by an adolescent. The best part, and I don’t say this lightly, is that Satan keeps his loafers on.

The whole time.

COCKTAIL: SATAN KEEPS HIS SHOES ON

An old fashioned porn needs an Old Fashioned cocktail. And this one needs to have an esoteric edge. The blood orange and sage smoke are a winning combination. I almost named it Verdant Pubic Bloom, but couldn’t resist the temptation of Satan Keeps His Shoes On. Extra points if you serve it in a chalice. If you really want to make a deal with the devil, try a classic Fallen Angel. The version below is from The Calvert Party Encyclopedia: Your Complete Guide to Home Entertaining (1965, a great year for your local culte Satanique).

Special thanks to T. Kleiner for the help.

2 oz Bourbon (100 proof or more)

1 oz Solerno Blood Orange Liqueur

3 dashes Angosturo Bitters

Blood orange chip, smoked with sage (1 blood orange, 2 whole sage leaves, salt, sugar and cinnamon)

Glassware : Old Fashioned glass

The blood orange chip should be may at least a day or two ahead.

Heat oven to 200 degrees Fahrenheit. Thinly slice a blood orange into wheels and lay on a baking sheet with parchment paper. Sprinkle lightly with salt, sugar and cinnamon. Dry in oven for about 2 1/2 hours. It make take a little longer if your slices are thicker.

After they cool, place them in a plastic bag. Using a lighter, char the edges of two whole sage leaves, letting the smoke disperse into the bag. Quickly put the leaves in with the orange wheels and close the bag, being careful not to let smoke escape. Store in a cool/dry place.

For the cocktail, first cut an orange wheel into a half moon chip. Combine Bourbon, Solerno and Bitters in a shaker with ice. Shake for 30 seconds and strain into glass over ice. Garnish with blood orange chip.

COCKTAIL: FALLEN ANGEL

2 oz Gin
Juice of 1 Lemon or Lime
2 dashes Creme de Menthe
1 dash Bitters

Glassware: Coupe

Stir well with ice. Strain into cocktail glass. Serve with cherry.

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